I suppose writing on a blog (or writing in general) is a skill. It takes a healthy dose of refining. Since I hardly write on it, I’m hard pressed to say that it’s refined at all. I’d wish that I would write on it more.
I think I’ll just vent a little bit of what’s been weighing on me for weeks and months.
I’ve been depressed because I’m a creative, and I haven’t been creating…
I want to create.
Desperately.
But for whatever reason it’s been burned into me that one of the highest ideals to attain is to be a well rounded person that doesn’t fall short of any of the responsibilities in my life. Let’s take a look at the responsibilities……
- Devotional walk with God.
- Marriage.
- Housework & chores.
- Yard work (because it’s a beast of its own).
- Friendships to sustain.
- Church involvement.
- Music project for friend #1.
- Music project for friend #2.
- Short-term project for friend #3.
- Looming easier project for friend #4.
- Podcast editing.
- Exercise (well… it’s been awhile on that).
- Sleep (never thought about it as a responsibility until now, but I suppose I owe it to my body).
- Day job, of course.
- Misc (I know there’s more… just not coming to mind…)
Why do I have to be well rounded? Why. I feel like when I give all my time to be well rounded there’s no time left to create. For my inner creative to breathe and ebb and flow. I know the time is there if I’m willing to make it. Right now I’m trying to finish some music projects for other friends, and I keep telling myself I WILL SAY NO TO PEOPLE AFTER THAT.
Going to say this again for definitive understanding.
I WILL SAY NO TO PEOPLE.
Since this is turning into a rant I’m going to own it.
This season has felt like the first season in my life where I’m learning to actually stand up for myself and for my time. It’s like… technically speaking I don’t owe my time to anyone in specific except to my family and to God. They have a claim on my life. Yes, I want to serve others, but since I’ve drained myself dry with others, there’s no time for me to grow into who I need to become in order to best serve God and others in the future. Thus, the beautiful word, “no.”
At the end of the day, I just want to create music…
I just want to express…
I want to release something on Spotify for creating out loud.
Please, Lord. Please.